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Thomas Edison (via reformyourself)
God so many other people have said this
Stranded on a lost island, on drugs, I am alone. I don’t know who I am, or where I’ve been, any of my past, or how to get anywhere besides here. I am naked. I have no protection from the wilderness. I have no tools to use to help make food or protect myself. I am stupid. I know nothing about anything, even myself. My motor skills are gone, I can’t move properly, I have no muscle memory, I don’t know what anything feels like. I am an infant. I will be eaten.
I have only one thing: infinity. Time cannot end, because I cannot comprehend it. I can infinitely do, learn, create, anything. Become anything. I will grow into something. Whatever that is, is determined during my infinity. During which I can form, with greater accuracy directly proportional to the effort put in, into anything I so choose.
I am alive.
is only when I realize on a deeper level a lot of things I’ve been really feeling
I don’t care about school…
but I care about going somewhere, and doing something.
I’m starting to think school is important for every reason other than your degree. It makes you get up in the morning, and prove to somebody else you can dedicate enough of your time to something. It also makes you meet people, in a place no one has an obligation of being. It makes you have to listen to people. I can agree with a place I meet people and dedicate a certain time of my day to working for the man. But it’s a small time. It’s like an odd job, a means to an end. I don’t care about my degree, but I’m going to keep going to school, because I feel good when I leave.
When I’m at the studio, I have more fun than I could be having doing anything else I could think of. Every horribly fun thing I can think of, is nothing like when I’m immersed in music. I need to live up to the word producer. To the word musician. I need to give to music what it’s given to me. I’m trying but I can try harder. I can make more and I can start performing. I wish to hell and back to one day die and leave behind great musical records for people to enjoy for years after wards. To have words written, lyrics sung, that become repeated in a future generation, to help them grow and cope with life. This is a goal.
I’ve thought of a great way to stage shows without any other band members. Because fuck everybody else, I’ve tried it, and nobody wants to do it. So it has to be just me for now. This is okay.
I don’t know how soon I can lift this off the ground, but I can keep perfecting my technique and make the greatest songs I’ve ever written. I can write an albums worth of shit, and then just jump headfirst into the shark tank. The reactions I get from the crowd will let me know if I’m headed in the right direction.
This is a goal. The most important goal in my scheme of things.
This is my 1000th post. What have I accomplished in 1000 posts? I don’t know, but I do feel like there was something. Something gained from this incredulous amount of information shared, ranting posts not unlike the days of livejournal, friends met, followers attained, people followed. Poetry written, cryptic posts posted, a place to speak where you feel like every single follower you have reads it and quite possibly feels what you’re feeling.
My days haven’t been uniquely strange or anything, but I feel stranger than I think I may ever have. Or at least the biased present moment presents it that way. I also just woke up from a 5 hour nap, from 5pm-10pm, which is very unusual, but such a good nap in the middle of the day always makes me feel really emotional when I wake up, for some reason.
Over-indulgent confidence. Truthfully, completely ignorant of the future and what it holds. Prayers for the right thing to happen, and everything to make sense. Pain of rejection. Fear of failure. Strength in weakness, and growth from that. Let’s do this.
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As much as possible I don’t want to think, or even believe, about the concept of heaven and hell. I don’t want to do good things out of the fear that I might go to hell for not doing so. I want to do good things because I feel like doing good things and I choose to do good things. I don’t want to live my life for the sake of entering some “afterlife”. I want to live my life for the sake of myself, and for who I am in the present. (via iamnothingami)
I think this quote is important, but not having anything to do with the afterlife bit. The point is now is all that matters. Your past does not define you, nor does it define anything else. Your future should not be when you’ll be happy.
