is only when I realize on a deeper level a lot of things I’ve been really feeling

I don’t care about school…

but I care about going somewhere, and doing something.

I’m starting to think school is important for every reason other than your degree. It makes you get up in the morning, and prove to somebody else you can dedicate enough of your time to something. It also makes you meet people, in a place no one has an obligation of being. It makes you have to listen to people. I can agree with a place I meet people and dedicate a certain time of my day to working for the man. But it’s a small time. It’s like an odd job, a means to an end. I don’t care about my degree, but I’m going to keep going to school, because I feel good when I leave.

When I’m at the studio, I have more fun than I could be having doing anything else I could think of. Every horribly fun thing I can think of, is nothing like when I’m immersed in music. I need to live up to the word producer. To the word musician. I need to give to music what it’s given to me. I’m trying but I can try harder. I can make more and I can start performing. I wish to hell and back to one day die and leave behind great musical records for people to enjoy for years after wards. To have words written, lyrics sung, that become repeated in a future generation, to help them grow and cope with life. This is a goal.

I’ve thought of a great way to stage shows without any other band members. Because fuck everybody else, I’ve tried it, and nobody wants to do it. So it has to be just me for now. This is okay.

I don’t know how soon I can lift this off the ground, but I can keep perfecting my technique and make the greatest songs I’ve ever written. I can write an albums worth of shit, and then just jump headfirst into the shark tank. The reactions I get from the crowd will let me know if I’m headed in the right direction.

This is a goal. The most important goal in my scheme of things.